we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
