I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
