I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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