Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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