My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
