My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
