I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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