Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
