apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
