Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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