just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
