Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
