it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
