Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
