the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize