if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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