So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
