She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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