We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
