My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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