in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
