You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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