sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
