I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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