sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
