So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
