I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
