The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just want to make out with him forever
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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