So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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