Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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