I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
