She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We are two peas in an std pod
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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