I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
