his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
