Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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