Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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