At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
