YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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