like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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