Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize