Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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