Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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