So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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