Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
