So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
