'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My vagina is officially offended.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
