When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
