I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
