Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize