So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
