Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
