i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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