So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize