I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Mom said you looked used
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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