i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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