I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
