I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
