i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
