you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
