I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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