Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Randomize
