last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
