I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
