He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i drank out of a bidet.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
