i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
