I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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