We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
