Sponge bath it is.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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