peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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