I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
