My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize