Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize