I wish I could teleport
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
