I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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