In the future we'll all be gay
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
pray to the hookup gods
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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