I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
