In America we eat man semen.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
