so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
