i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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