Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
