Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
