Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
